Dear 19 Year Old:
We regret to inform you that the function of your frontal lobe will be provided by that of a 55 year old woman, until such time that yours will be fully operational.
This could take as long as six years.
We realize that this is not an ideal situation for you.
You will be told to “slow the hell down!” You will be cautioned to look both ways for oncoming traffic. You will be warned to chew all your food before swallowing, and to be careful of what you post on social media.
You will be reminded to be vigilant when selecting friends, and told horror stories about peer pressure.
You will be interrogated, harassed and micro-managed in ways that only a loving mom would consider.
These episodes will be interspersed with hugs, encouragements and proclamations of undying love. DO NOT, for one second, relax and start to think that she’s given up on her attempts to keep you safe.
You are entitled to roll your eyes, exhale loudly, and stomp out of the room. Remember, it’s because of her efforts that you are even alive to do any of those things.
She is not being a pain in the ass when she texts to ask where you are. She wants to know you are alive. Text her back to lessen the repercussions. Don’t wait until she’s beyond worried, to send that text.
Be patient, 19 year old.
You will have more fun than you can imagine. You will go on amazing adventures, make lasting friendships and create an exciting future while enjoying your own journey. However, none of these fine things will happen if you die before you get the chance.
We remind you that it is her job to keep you alive.