Middle School
Think of two words that incite more terror.
Now in middle school, her preoccupations with whether to try out for soccer, keep her markers and draw, or bury herself under the covers and pretend to be sick on Monday morning are replaced with a more consistent obsession with appearance.
Blame it on body changes. Blame it on pop culture. Blame it on the way humans are wired. Whatever you blame it on, there aren’t many humans who skate through life without caring for their appearance. (Those who tell you they don’t care, dress in a way that makes it clear that they do care. They dress to make it look like they don’t care.)
Shopping for clothes when we are little is fun. If our parents let us have a say in what we wear, we pick based on color, or the character on the front of a shirt, or whether it’s itchy or not.
Shopping for clothes in the middle school years is riddled with all the anxiety of choosing a college. If I buy these jeans, that group won’t let me in. If I wear these colors, that group won’t accept me. How do I dress to fit in, but still wear what I like? Should this shirt be baggier? Is this top too tight?
Boobs. (Another loaded word.)
Either she has them, or she doesn’t. Either way, her chest will be noticed. She can choose to hide them or show them off. If she hides them, boys will comment that she probably doesn’t have any. If she shows them off, boys will comment about their size.
What’s a girl to do?
In the beginning, body changes are weird. Where did this come from? How come this? What is going on?
Then, as she starts getting used to the changes, it can be fun to see how clothes fit. Her walk changes. She kind of likes the way she looks.
Uh oh.
Is it okay to like her appearance? How much can she like the way she looks? Is it a bad thing to like how she looks? What’s too much? How many is too many selfies? Where is that line? How long will this last?
In a delicate, all-too-brief moment in time, the changes in her appearance make her feel like preening. She’s a morning glory blossom wanting to smile and dance in the sun. It’s fun to show off new curves and long legs. But, she can’t be out in the open long before she gets unwanted glances.
Another uh oh…
She’s a polite person. She smiles when spoken to. She says, “Thank you,” when the door is held open. That does not change with the changes in her body. Politeness coming from this new body gets misread. Her intentions are the same, but some boys/men read her intentions differently. She has to learn to rein in her politeness. She used to be polite to everyone. Now she has to be on guard and learn to sense a predator.
All too quickly, she’s faced with the realization that it’s safer to hide her beauty.
One day, riding the bus home with friends, she laughs and looks up. Accidentally, she makes eye contact with the fellow across the aisle. She smiles because that’s what she does, out of politeness. But something is different this time. The hair stands up on the back of her neck. Something (intuition) tells her to look away. She wants to warn her friends and tell them that the guy across from them is creepy, but she doesn’t want to be mean. They reach their stop and exit as a group. She looks to make sure the guy didn’t follow them.
In the blink of an eye, everything changes. Forever she will be faced with the choice of celebrating her unique appearance or staying safe.
To be continued …