We were driving up the mountain road, heading to the ski hill. The mounds of snow on either side were as tall as I’d seen them in awhile. I reached over to turn on the radio and heard Stealers Wheel singing, “Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right …” How can anyone hear that song and not immediately picture the clowns and jokers that populate their own life?
I’m grateful my kids will listen to the Oldies station with me, and even more grateful that they’ll still ski with me.
As we climbed the mountain, the snow got deeper and the temp got colder. Dire Straits came on next. The “Sultans of Swing” brought me back to binge-watching MTV in the early 80s. (Let it be known that some of us binge-watched long before Netflix.) In between classes, or during skipped classes, I’d be “studying” and watching and listening.
In this flashback, I was going through some Psych notes, still in my pajamas, sipping from a huge mug of strong coffee. In those days I wore men’s boxers and baggy t-shirts. That was long before this phase of always being cold. I remember her long hair, long arms and legs, and that endless cup of coffee. Some things never change – the coffee is a constant.
A friend believes that our lives are concurrent – no past or future. All we experience happens in the same time continuum. If that reality exists, then my 20-year old self and my 55-year old self are journeying at the same time.
If she was along for the ride today, skiing with Will and Jen and 55-me, what would we talk about?
20-me is surprised I’m still listening to the music from the 80s, and she’s slightly disgusted that it gets the “Oldies” label. 55-me tells her it’s hard to give up on the really good stuff from that time. She reminds me to keep my mind open to the new good stuff, too.
I acknowledge her trepidation about the future – finishing school, the what-ifs of relationships, the decisions about career and work. I remind her that the apprehension and nervousness is all part of the process. “I don’t have it so bad. Re-invention is possible, all along the way. Don’t be afraid to try something. Don’t be afraid to change your mind.” I down-shift as we approach a small town of snow-covered cabins, some decorated with old wooden skis. “The same advice applies to relationships. Don’t be afraid to change your mind. There will be clowns and jokers. Be mindful of who you get stuck in the middle with.”
20-me laughs and says, “It’s good you are skiing today. I’m glad you still see the value in having fun.” I turn down the music so I can hear her better. 55-me laughs and says, “My hearing isn’t what it used to be. Too often I forget to include fun in the mix. About the time I can’t stand to be in the same room with myself, I realize I’ve let fun go by the wayside.”
20-me reminds me to turn on some music when I get to that point. “That’s a quick way to shift the mood. Your Pandora is awesome for that!” 55 says, “I know! Right?”
20 points at Jen and Will, “They have our long legs, should you be thinking about getting a bigger car?” 55-me says, “I thought about it, but Will has his truck now, and I like not having a car payment. Besides, this car will be great for Jen when she wants to start driving. Maybe I’ll get something then.” 20 nods her head, “So, we pretty much live on this college budget forever, then, right?” 55 says, “It could be worse. This way we can afford to ski.”
55 says, “Quit worrying so much about your choices.” 20 says, “I could say the same to you.” 55 says, “Damn, I was hoping to make more progress on that front.” 20 says, “I guess that’s why we still like the skiing so much. It clears the mind and helps us recalibrate.” 55 laughs, “Which gets us back to the value in fun.”
55 says, “And the taking things so seriously. That’s a waste of time, too.” 20 says, “So then it’s okay to while away the hours watching MTV and pretending to study?” 55 says, “You’ll miss those days.”
20 says, “Yeah, but look who we get to journey with,” and she looks at Jen and Will. “At least we get to be stuck in the middle with these two.”
I’ve been mulling over this post for a week, waiting to have the time to sit down and write. I made a coffee, set up the laptop, sat down to write and checked my phone. I’d received two messages that included song references. One was a text with “Here Comes the Sun” by *duh* The Beatles. The other was an email introducing me to “Third Day In A Row” by The Stray Birds.
I’m not making this up.
Serendipity.